Wednesday, July 03, 2013

America, the Way the Tea Party Wants It

The socially-conservative Texas-style Republicans love America. They are very patriotic. But their view of what America should be is not universal. This is the right wing's perspective of what America should look like:

Everyone would be a fundamentalist Christian. You can have freedom of religion, as the Constitution says, but that just means you can go to any denomination of conservative Christian church you want to. No one is going to force you to be a Baptist. You could be a Pentecostal or belong to the Assembly of God Church. You also don't really have to go to church every Sunday if you don't want, just as long as you keep reminding people that Jesus loves them and that biblical morality is all you need to live by.

Pornography and other filth would be officially banned, but the thriving underground porn business would succeed since politicians turn a blind eye to that sort of stuff out of respect to the concept of small government. However, all forms of abortion at any stage would be outlawed. Women and even girls who are raped or who are a victim of incest would be forced to carry their rape baby full term as a warning to be more modest with their nubile bodies.

Birth control would only be allowed for men. Men should wear condoms to keep from getting the clap but any female birth control that might interfere with a fertilized egg would be considered a type of abortion, punishable by imprisonment. Also, any woman who has a stillborn baby must report it to the police for investigation. Not doing so would mean you could be charged with fetuside.

All public schools would include a curriculum that includes creationism in science class. Evolution and the Big Bang Theory would be mentioned only as worldly views that could lead you to hell. Climate change, if it is occurring at all, is simply God's way of getting our attention. Humans could not possibly be responsible for changing the Earth's climate, since God is who made it in the first place. Also, in history class, schools must teach that our Founding Fathers were all Christians, that this country was founded on the principles of the Ten Commandments, and that the most important of all the amendments is Number Two. In addition, the bible would be required reading in all classes.

Homosexuals would be prohibited from committing any kind of homosexual acts, even in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Sodomy would be against the law again. Teens would be forced to learn abstinence-only sex education and sex before marriage by anyone would be against the law. Gays, of course, could not marry each other.

In this conservative theocracy, the government would be prohibited from giving a poor person a helping hand. Those who have figured out how (or been lucky enough) to make it rich can afford such things as health care, but those who have hit upon hard times must rely on the good nature of their neighbors to lend them a helping hand. Everybody would have to pay taxes, even if you are unemployed and poor. But the rich people can claim deductions as a reward for being job creators.

In this America, everyone would have to carry a handgun to protect themselves and everyone has a right and duty to stand their ground. Every school day begins with a prayer and the Pledge. Every public meeting begins and ends with prayer as does every sporting event.

This is America the way it is supposed to be - at least according to the Tea Party.